Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
