it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
