when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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