gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
