best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I will be naked everywhere
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
