Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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