dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
