I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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