he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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