u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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