Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
should my penis look like a turkey
cat food counts as protein by the way
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
