Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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