is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
