Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
