I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
