He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
