Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
