He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
