i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
only if we run a train.
done.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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