I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
