Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
