Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
