I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
