I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Duck Duck Cougar?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
