Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
