So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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