your parents love me but you hate me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Be still, my beating vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
