I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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