these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
