This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
