we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
