Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
