i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
