I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
