WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
