yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
