I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
