What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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