He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
