The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
