I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
