i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
