id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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