When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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