I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
