guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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