im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
