I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
