Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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