Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
