You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
