I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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