I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dude. I can hear the air.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
