so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
