what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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