are you still at the devil's house?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
