His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
