Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
