the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
